Confused Chu'sZodiac Personality Profile:
"The Living Truth Inside of You"
(in cooperation with Ez)
From the pages of BARAKO BREW (http://www.barakobrew.blogspot.com/) we spill over to this page and give you The Zodiac Personality Profile:
AQUARIUS: Jan 21 to Feb 19
Intelligent, Smart, Confident, Achievers
You are artistic, progressive, and a go-getter, which means you are an attention seeking moron and can not be trusted. You'll be good in sales because you'd sell yourself, your mother, your children and even your soul and that's only because you can't help but do it.
PISCES: Feb 20 to Mer 20
Fatalists, Idealistic, Trusting, Loyal
You are a creative, artistic, idealistic and a sensitive creature. In other words, you talk a lot, think a lot, meddle a lot in things you don't know Sh*t about, and lie a great deal too. Pisces are best known as judgmental as*holes.
Pisces Women thrive in rumor mongering, back stabbing, and blow-jobs. While the Male Pisces are snoops, peeping toms, and are often in denial that they are born perverts.
"Piss" was derived from the word Pisces and we don't have to explain why.
ARIES: Mar 21 to Apr 20
Confident and Collected
Which basically means Aries are Impulsive, Dull Witted, Brawn before Brains kinda people. It's not that they're Dumb. They just would rather React first. .... Which is basically a Dumb thing to do, but since they were born that way, they wouldn't know the difference even if it bit them in the nose.
Aries Women are more often easy lay. Aries Men don't mind paying their wives for sex.
TAURUS: Apr 21 to May 21
Strong, Bullish, Bold, and a can Stand Alone
Strong, Insensitive, and Bullheaded. In other words, a typical sour loser using his "persistent personality" as an excuse. Taurus aren't only persistent, they are Pesky, Annoying, people too.
If the Terminator was programmed with a Zodiac Sign, it'll be the TAURUS.
Taurus are natural stalkers, rapists, and human canon balls. They are good friends though. If you give them a good reason, they'd do anything you ask them to do. Like "hey pal. I think that guy thinks you are a whimp. Why don't you go there, beat him up, and give me his wallet". :)
GEMINI: May 22 to Jun 21
Smart, Witty, a born Thinker
An interesting sign. An interesting character. And that's only because a Gemini is half man and half woman. Which makes him bisexual, and kinky too. They are good sex partners. In fact, a Gemini doesn't need a sex partner, they can live most their lives having sex with only themselves. In fact, they enjoy having sex with themselves more.
They are considered THINKERS only because they are very often confused about their gender. If they didn't have the split personality they are plagued with, they'd be as dull as a Capricorn.
Gemini's make good porn stars, male models, female prostitutes, and actors. They are talented, versatile and Cheap.
CANCER: Jun 22 to Jul 22
Sensitive and Emotional
The most sensitive character in the zodiac. They Feel more and Think Less. Which makes them Nutters, Head-Cases, and sometimes plain Violent Suicidal Looneys.
If Terrorists have their own Zodiac Signs they'd all be Cancers.
They are good employees because all you have to do is promise them 100 virgins in the after-life and they'll type, write, copy, and blow up anything and everything you want them to.
LEO: Jul 23 to Aug 21
Determined, Persuasive, Persistent
They are born leaders. Which means, they are mean, cruel, controlling and control freaks. They don't really lead, they more often just force their leadership on weaker people and suckers.
Leos don't enjoy sex unless it includes a hint of S&M.
They are bad in bed because they usually order their partners around because of their pesky, freaky, personality. Female Leos prefer Vibrators over real men. Male Leos however prefer Real Men than Real Women.
A good marriage is between a Leo and a Taurus. .... They usually finish each other off the quickest possible time.
VIRGO: Aug 22 to Sep 23
Analytical, Calculating, Logical
They all suffer Obsessive Compulsive Behavior. They are too orderly that a little change in pattern would throw them off their usual selves, very often into a mild state of Schizophrenia.
They try to over-analyze situations and tend to apply Logic in everything. Which makes them Mad Scientists of some sort, bad preachers, or Jokes.
Virgos are bad lovers. They usually go Missionary, Doggy Style, Missionary and Finish in 3 minutes tops.
LIBRA: Sep 24 to Oct 23
They tend to Balance everything. A Natural Core
Artistic and Gay. Creative and very Gay. Wise and goes down on the same sex.
They are fun creatures and make good, willing, f*ck buddies. They don't expect a lot in return. Just Respect. So lie to them and tell them how much you respect them and they'll do almost anything.
They also have a tendency to balance everything to an order. Which makes them frustrated, judgmental creatures whose sole purpose in this life is to please the other signs of the Zodiac.
SCORPIO: Oct 24 to Nov 22
Desires, Wants, and Demands
As interesting as the Gemini, .... but in a totally Evil and Twisted way.
The terms "Son of a B*tch" and "Manipulative Wh*re" where invented with a Scorpio in mind.
The terms "Screwed" and "Shrewd" were also invented when a Capricorn, a Virgo, and an Aries went into a Business Deal with a Scorpio.
The term "Crime of Passion" was invented when a Taurus married a Scorpio.
Scorpios make good tax collectors, con-artists, users, and wife beaters.
Unlike the Gemini, Scorpios aren't gay. But Scorpio Women are mostly Frigid and the Scorpio Men go Impotent by age 38.
SAGITTARIUS: Nov 23 to Dec 22
Understanding, Passive, Passionate, Full of Life
You are Happy, Fun, Positive, and full of Enthusiasm. .... Makes Sagittarius Women good GRO, Strippers, Call Girls, and Masseurs. Makes Sagittarius Men good GRO, Male Strippers, Clowns and Fag Lovers.
Perfect examples of Sagittarians are The Boy Wonder Robin, Doby the House Elf, and Oprah's Best Friend ... what's her name? Oh who cares?
The Zodiac Sign Sagittarius is only there so there will be a total of twelve signs. 12 rounds up a natural balance popularly known as a Dozen. But Sagittarius in Horoscope or Astrology are neither important nor necessary. If the Zodiac signs had a food chain, they'd be the weeds. If the Zodiac signs were a Dozen of eggs, Sagittarius would be the one that breaks before you even get to enjoy one.
CAPRICORN: Dec 23 to Jan 20
Supportive, and are Natural Consumers
Straight, Conservative, Composed, and Weak. Which makes them Boring, Lifeless and Uninteresting. They are said to be Natural Consumers. Which makes them Suckers.
CAPRICORN Men are bad lovers. They usually just lie there. CAPRICORN Women however are good lovers. It's like you have a sex doll with body temperature.
The Capricorn are represented in the Zodiac as a Goat. Which is the reason why "The Goat" is the terms used to refer to the Idiots who lost the game, dropped the ball, or bungled the play.
Capricorns make good mailmen, milkmen, donkeys, pets, and background elements.
They make bad bosses, bad wives, bad husbands, but pretty cool orphans.
2009 ZODIAC PREDICTIONS at: http://barakobrew.blogspot.com/2009/01/2009-zodiac-misfortune.html
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